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Portfolio - Candidate A

The candidate was awarded 12 marks.


The title chosen is not entirely clear, although the initial ‘to what extent’ should give some scope for analysis and evaluation. The candidate has used a wide range of resources and the two main ones are appropriate for the task. She has difficulty going beyond an informative approach, giving a lot of background information without direct reference to the two main sources. Indeed, some of this information is not relevant to the focus of the essay, for example the mention of the foot binding ritual in paragraph 2.


The candidate has presented some evidence from both sources, including a number of direct quotations. However, the register is not always appropriate – a movie, a great example, we didn’t meet, in the olden days, etc - and there are many instances of poor English expression, syntax and punctuation which at times make the meaning unclear, particularly with relation to the word order and verb tenses. There is very little critical terminology.


The candidate writes without a clear structure and this does impact on communication. The writing lacks coherence in places, something which is not helped by the poor English. Although the candidate has managed to draw a fairly basic conclusion which does relate back to the title, the arguments presented are largely based on societal issues rather than the specific sources chosen.